I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
