the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
