do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
