some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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