I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
