I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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