he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
