why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
