it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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