I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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