I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
