i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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