My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
