He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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