She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
