I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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