I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
