That's when you crack a 10am beer
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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