I wish my penis had an off switch
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
