If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
