How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
