Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
