i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
