And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
