All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
