alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
