Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
