Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
