I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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