If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
are you so shy because you have an std?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
