Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
