Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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