Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
420 ftw
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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