Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
PANTIES FOUND
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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