he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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