just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
