its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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