I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
