chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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