Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
