I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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