My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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