Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
