i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
