We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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