Jerry, you need to find god
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
