Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
