We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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