ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
