I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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