Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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