What a fucking waste of an outfit
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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