I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
