today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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