He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
