after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
